My final word on this matter
Sep. 1st, 2005 08:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anigoI tried to write poetry in response to poetry but I'm no poet. So I'll just post plain old prose instead.
Our conversations have proven themselves ineffective. And yes, we have had them. Neither one of us, it appears, is listening to the other. You can't seem to hear my apologies and I can't seem to hear your pain. Instead our conversations have only gone around in circles until we're both frustrated to the point of tears and madness. You do deserve an answer but the answers I give you aren't the ones you want to hear, and when I stop giving you the wrong answers the only other thing I can say is nothing at all.
So, I'm done with this conversation that never seemed to start or finish but somehow has gone on for ever. Since the answers I give you aren't the right ones, I'm done giving them. It's not avoidance. It's admitting defeat, throwing in the towel, and putting this conversation to bed for good. I acknowledge I've hurt you. I acknowledge I'll never fully understand, despite the fact that I've tried. We've reached an impasse and I don't think there's anything else we can do.
I can hear your arguments already. I didn't give you enough time to talk about it. I haven't made time for you. I chose somebody else over you - but I'm not going to try to defend myself. Feel free to continue to try to make me understand, but please don't expect a response. The only response I have is to the question "So are we just supposed to go on and pretend none of this ever happened?" And the answer I have is no, not pretend. Acknowledge it happened and try to move on. Forgive and forget isn't such a bad thing in the big picture. The choice is yours whether there will be other conversations in the future. If this is a roadblock you can't get past, I understand and I wish you well.
When I let go of your hand it was so that we could both play unimpeded. When we're holding hands sometimes all we can do is walk along and look at the light. When we let go we can romp and play and have so much more fun. It doesn't mean we have to run to opposite sides of the field, it means we can swing our arms and laugh and enjoy the light together like free spirits.
Above all else regardless of the outcome, I need to thank you for everything you've given me - and you have given me so much. It has more value than you can ever know. My door, and my heart, will always be open to you. Always.
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Having said all that, I've been avoiding posting in other journals a lot lately. My conversations have been nothing more than the occasional "me too", I'm afraid. It's not that I'm not reading or that I don't care - particularly for you,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
siliconshaman, it's just... well... sometimes saying nothing's all I can say.
I think I'm at a crossroads and if anybody who is reading this (and understands what I'm talking about) is at one too and wishes to remove me from their reading list, I'll understand. My crossroad isn't one where I start cutting friends or throwing punches, it's where I say that I've failed here and let anybody who wants to go slip quietly away - though I've left this post open for comments and if it will make you feel better to throw punches at me before you go, go for it.
If, on the other hand, you don't know what I'm talking about... Hey, how about those Red Sox. Quite the year they're having, huh?
Our conversations have proven themselves ineffective. And yes, we have had them. Neither one of us, it appears, is listening to the other. You can't seem to hear my apologies and I can't seem to hear your pain. Instead our conversations have only gone around in circles until we're both frustrated to the point of tears and madness. You do deserve an answer but the answers I give you aren't the ones you want to hear, and when I stop giving you the wrong answers the only other thing I can say is nothing at all.
So, I'm done with this conversation that never seemed to start or finish but somehow has gone on for ever. Since the answers I give you aren't the right ones, I'm done giving them. It's not avoidance. It's admitting defeat, throwing in the towel, and putting this conversation to bed for good. I acknowledge I've hurt you. I acknowledge I'll never fully understand, despite the fact that I've tried. We've reached an impasse and I don't think there's anything else we can do.
I can hear your arguments already. I didn't give you enough time to talk about it. I haven't made time for you. I chose somebody else over you - but I'm not going to try to defend myself. Feel free to continue to try to make me understand, but please don't expect a response. The only response I have is to the question "So are we just supposed to go on and pretend none of this ever happened?" And the answer I have is no, not pretend. Acknowledge it happened and try to move on. Forgive and forget isn't such a bad thing in the big picture. The choice is yours whether there will be other conversations in the future. If this is a roadblock you can't get past, I understand and I wish you well.
When I let go of your hand it was so that we could both play unimpeded. When we're holding hands sometimes all we can do is walk along and look at the light. When we let go we can romp and play and have so much more fun. It doesn't mean we have to run to opposite sides of the field, it means we can swing our arms and laugh and enjoy the light together like free spirits.
Above all else regardless of the outcome, I need to thank you for everything you've given me - and you have given me so much. It has more value than you can ever know. My door, and my heart, will always be open to you. Always.
------------------------
Having said all that, I've been avoiding posting in other journals a lot lately. My conversations have been nothing more than the occasional "me too", I'm afraid. It's not that I'm not reading or that I don't care - particularly for you,
siliconshaman, it's just... well... sometimes saying nothing's all I can say.I think I'm at a crossroads and if anybody who is reading this (and understands what I'm talking about) is at one too and wishes to remove me from their reading list, I'll understand. My crossroad isn't one where I start cutting friends or throwing punches, it's where I say that I've failed here and let anybody who wants to go slip quietly away - though I've left this post open for comments and if it will make you feel better to throw punches at me before you go, go for it.
If, on the other hand, you don't know what I'm talking about... Hey, how about those Red Sox. Quite the year they're having, huh?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-09-01 10:21 pm (UTC)I understand, somedays I just don't feel like talking as well...
and I wish I could help, the sad thing is, neither of you have that much animosity towards each other... it ought to be resolvble really.
*sigh*
why do I feel like I should have done something here? I mean, dammit, i'm a shaman, this kinda thing is supposed to be my job...but i don't know any 'healing' ceremonies for this.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-02 08:44 pm (UTC)And that's my final word.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-02 02:36 am (UTC)If you ever wanted to drop me from your list I would understand. I'd be sad, but I'd understand. I will keep reading your stuff, though. You can't get rid of me that easily.