anigo: (freud)
[personal profile] anigo
I started working for a version of the company I work for now (I say a version, because we've been bought 5 times since I started) 15 years ago as an administrative assistant. As time went by, I moved to a junior account manager, then an account manager, then a senior account manager and now I'm a director. Before that I was a data entry clerk at a trucking firm. I was there for 5 years until I went on maternity leave for the Kid. I wanted to go back to work part time, but the company wouldn't go for it. I took my full year off, then worked as a secretary part time at a small business for about a year or so, then moved to the company I'm at now. Not long after I moved up to do account management at this company I also started having dreams where I had to go back to the trucking company with my head hung low. I had a variation of that dream A LOT for about 6 or 7 years. (In truth, the trucking company was also bought out not long after I left and they laid off all the staff because they were a duplication of the work being done in Montreal, so I'm not going back.) I figured it was my psyche telling me that I wasn't good enough to do anything else than data entry. That I was a text book case of the Peter Principle. Telling me that I was out of my league and that I should just go back to what I was good at.

I haven't had that dream in ages.

Anyway...

I had another version of the dream last night. Interestingly, in it I went back to work at the trucking company, but I went back in a leadership position. It felt good, rather than feeling like I was going back in shame, And I have this gut feeling that tells me that it's my psyche telling me that, if I want to, I'm ready to actually go out and be somebody outside of the company I'm in now.

That feels ok.

--

(Interestingly enough, I had a similar recurring dream for YEARS after I got married wherein I was wandering through various malls at 6:00 in the morning with all the shops closed looking for a wedding dress. Read what you'd like into that. I haven't had that dream in years either.)
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